George Carlin on baseball and football

In honor of George Carlin, I'm posting one of his classic routines, this one about baseball vs. football.

George Carlin, 1937-2008

George Carlin died yesterday in Santa Monica of heart failure. He was 71.

A great quote from the NY Times obit:

Although some criticized parts of his later work as too contentious, Mr. Carlin defended the material, insisting that his comedy had always been driven by an intolerance for the shortcomings of humanity and society. “Scratch any cynic,” he said, “and you’ll find a disappointed idealist.”

Still, when pushed to explain the pessimism and overt spleen that had crept into his act, he quickly reaffirmed the zeal that inspired his lists of complaints and grievances. “I don’t have pet peeves,” he said, correcting the interviewer. And with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he added, “I have major, psychotic hatreds.”

I once made him a sandwich when I was working at Whole Foods in Brentwood. He was very polite, even when people came up to him and started talking to him about people they both knew or whatever people talk to brilliant comics about.

I liked his performances, and I've skimmed his books (now I'll probably buy at least one, although it's too late for him to get the royalties), but for me, he will always be Rufus in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Here's his straight-faced explication of what is one of the stupidest, silliest, and yet and most wonderful premises in the history of film:

That's why I was sent to make sure you passed your History report. If you guys were separated it would have been disastrous for life as we know it. You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony. Allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life. From extra terrestrials to common household pets. And, it's excellent for dancing.

I really don't think that movie would have worked as well as it did without George Carlin to render believable such an absurd idea - that the future of humanity depended on two total slackers. If he could believe in them, so could we. The movie starts out with his explanation of this ridiculousness:

You see, 700 years ago the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two on the correct path, the basis of our society will be in danger. Don't worry. It'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

Yes he was.

This could be most heinous

A remake of one of the all-time great comedies, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, has been greenlit at MGM. I agree with this headline: Bill And Ted's Completely Unnecessary Remake. The band is now called "Atomic Gorillas, instead of Wyld Stallyns."

I should try to be open-minded, but I agree with this post at Io9:

"There should be a rule with remakes: if you can still get the entire cast together again, it's too early."

There are some good quotes about just how wrong this idea is in that thread:

"Well, I'm not going to watch it, I'm not going to but it on DVD... heck I won't even pirate a copy of it. I will however pirate a copy of the original, just to make sure no one makes any money off of it, lest it lead in some mysterious fashion to the new version."

But are we just too nostalgic for our lost youth? I doubt it. I can think of some remakes that apparently worked, like Ocean's Eleven and The Thomas Crown Affair, but I have never seen the originals. But one difference between those and Bill and Ted's is that Ocean's and Thomas Crown both have reasonably intelligent premises. They're heist movies.

Bill and Ted's, on the other hand, was inspired silliness. I caught the last 10 minutes at a video store the other day, and I realized just how completely ludicrous the plot is when Rufus explains to Bill and Ted just why his mission to help them with their history report was so important:

Wyld Stallyns music is the foundation for our whole society . . .

If you guys were separated it would have been disastrous for life as we know it. You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony. Allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life. From extra terrestrials to common household pets.

And he actually says that with a straight face.

It's like a joke that was funny the first time around - it starts to get old when it gets repeated too much. Somehow they captured magic when they made the original. I think part of why they did is because they had no idea that they were going to. Who could have guessed that it would become a cult classic? It's a really, really stupid idea for a movie. It's just idiotic. But that's part of the charm. Somehow they found the perfect balance of surreal stupidity and just a smidgen of seriousness. In this respect, it's a lot like Rocky Horror. That's another thoroughly inane idea for a movie that has somehow lasted forever.

One thing that Bill & Ted's and Rocky Horror have in common is that they're just well enough made to be decent movies. Each has slightly cheesy special effects that manage to not look stupid. Each is technically solid but not great. And each, of course, involves people who are not of this time or place.

But if Bill & Ted's gets remade, then suddenly someone in a studio is doing so just because they want to make money, which means that they will probably be taking it too seriously. Which will probably kill it. Much like the sequel, which was terrible.